Good days. Days we’re still learning. Stories from parents.

Hello! The report really moved us. My husband and I could both clearly see what we were doing well and what we could improve. I decided to acknowledge our child's feelings while keeping our agreements, without judging those feelings by my own standards. My husband also decided to focus less on tasks and more on understanding those feelings. We haven't drawn a schedule with Wonwoo yet, but we talked and agreed to wash in the evening, then eat breakfast, brush teeth and get ready right after waking up. Wonwoo said it wouldn't feel upsetting if we followed that plan. We tried it this morning, and getting through the morning together was so much easier. Thank you!

I bought an analog clock after reading this mission. Now, when I suggest washing up or going to bed during playtime, my child brings the clock over first and says, ‘Let's go to bed when the hand reaches [a number]!’ It's been a nice way to learn numbers together, and I think my child is gradually getting a better sense of what an agreement means.

My husband uses this mission even more actively than I do. Saying ‘Oh!’ definitely gets Hye-na's attention better. I tend to be in a hurry, so ‘No!’ comes out first. My husband is more relaxed and even-tempered, which may be why he uses it so well. Thank you :)

Giving a massage definitely reduced the requests and shortened the time it took to fall asleep a little! But my child thinks of the massage as play too, and keeps trying to play during it—even giving me a massage back. I only do bedtime on weekends, so I've tried it just once, but I'll try again this weekend :)

I tried the mission, but my child's interests changed so often that I was busy keeping up. Usually, my child concentrates well during play, but when I'm doing housework or getting ready for work, there's a particular interest in riskier play. I think it may be a mix of boredom and wanting my attention.

We made a pause card together, and the very next morning I raised my voice again, as usual. I was speaking irritably because my husband hadn't put something back. Dodam brought me the pause card. It was funny and sweet, but it also made me think, ‘Oh, I shouted again. My child can tell how I'm feeling.’ That afternoon, when Dodam got irritated, I offered the card. The tension eased quickly and we ended up smiling. It worked really well for about a day. The next day, when Dodam cried and protested, I offered it again. At first Dodam avoided it, then smiled and took it. The day after that, Dodam wouldn't even look at it. Maybe my child wanted more time to cry and express those feelings. Even though my child avoided the card, something changed for me. Before, I would have responded by getting irritated and shouting too. But the act of offering the pause card interrupted that reaction. Instead of shouting, I could offer it, suggest calming down, and take deep breaths together. I worked really hard on not getting angry—or rather, on handling my anger better. I'd been practicing opening and closing my hands, but there were plenty of days when that didn't work. Having a visible object like the pause card seems to help me settle down too. I put it right in the middle of the fridge, where I see it as I pass, and it helps me collect myself even when I'm not angry. I'm so glad you introduced something I hadn't found in books that has actually helped. I'll keep practicing. I've made a portable one to carry with me, too.

We chose clapping as our stop gesture. I told my child to clap when wanting to hit or push their younger sibling, and they followed along well. They couldn't do it independently when emotions rose. When I suggested clapping, they resisted at first, but once we got to the clapping, it did end in laughter. We'll need more practice to know, but so far it seems to help.

When we were getting into the car, Dodam wanted me to lift them into the car seat first, but Jueun needed to go in first, so Dodam had to wait. Before the mission, I would simply tell my child to wait, which would lead to protests and tears. I said, ‘Dodam, hold up ten fingers. Fold them down one at a time. If you wait until all ten are down, I'll get Jueun into the car seat and then lift you in.’ I finished before all ten fingers were down and said, ‘Look, I got Jueun in before you even finished! Thank you so much for waiting. Now it's your turn!’ We got through it without a conflict. Being able to predict the wait helped my child go along with it. Such a useful idea.

I didn't manage it every day, but my child loved the whispering. Maybe it felt like a special connection with Mom. They would start whispering, then lean into my ear and whisper back, giggling. It made me so happy.

When I acknowledge the feelings first, my child tends to calm down more quickly. The tantrums and irritation can last a long time, but simply recognizing the feelings really shortened that time. Adding choices helped us get through things without a big conflict.

I put the advice into practice that very morning. When I offered several options I could accept and let my child choose, the conflict almost disappeared and we both felt happy with the outcome. I shared it with my husband, and we were honestly amazed that a solution like this existed! Jiyoung is usually so compliant that I've sometimes worried about it. I've always tried to encourage self-expression, yet when my child said no or things didn't go my way, I got angry and started seeing the behavior as defiance. Approaching my child with the expectation of being opposed made things harder. As I kept rereading Parentlyze's feedback, I began to see a child with initiative and independence instead. Thank you. I think it was my own mindset that needed to change. Would I have been hurt less if my mother had received this kind of advice when I was young? Helping children and parents build better relationships in each family is such meaningful work. At meals, I also talked less about scores and said, ‘Jiyoung, you're eating a variety of foods and chewing carefully without getting distracted! It's wonderful that you're taking care of eating on your own.’ I practically read the line as written. My child's eyes lit up and they smiled. My husband teased me for sounding like a robot, but when I said, ‘It's lovely to see you eating by yourself’ and ‘That'll help you grow strong,’ my child showed off their muscles. It felt as though their own motivation was growing. Thank you ^^

The mission helped me realize I wasn't expressing much love during the day. When I made an effort to do it more, our bedtime conversations became much shorter, which surprised me. I even memorized a sentence from the mission and said it exactly as written. Seeing my child's eyes light up and a smile appear showed me how much they liked it. Thank you so much. I reread your feedback several times a day and reflect on myself.

I didn't know this was a stage of feeling that everything has to be fair. I'd wondered whether my child was being selfish because they're an only child, but that wasn't it. They used to be good at giving way, and lately that seemed to be disappearing—there was a reason. Luckily, after asking about it one more time that day, they didn't bring it up again. I think I explain far more than I need to. I'll try to keep it shorter and acknowledge the feelings. I'd like to understand more about where I fall short so I can work on it. Thank you, as always!

It's still hard to lead with empathy. But I'm practicing correcting myself: ‘Oh, you want to do that! Still, we need to go now.’ When I add a little explanation while my child isn't crying, they do understand. The specific guidance, based on my child's temperament and our concerns as parents, helped a lot. The interface is intuitive, and the conversations are clearly separated into boxes, which also makes them easy to apply in the moment. I'd worried that I was intervening too much while playing with Mingyu, and the feedback cleared that up. There's no right answer in play, but I felt a little embarrassed to have my habit of always trying to supply the right answer pointed out. We were both in much better moods than usual during the recorded conversation, so I was sorry I hadn't captured more of the behavior I worry about. I'm hoping the second recording will help us address that more directly!

Playing with my child has been hard because the play changes so quickly and sometimes doesn't follow the logic I'd expect. My child's style doesn't always appeal to other children, so I felt pressure to do something helpful every time we played. It was good to understand what my child needed and receive direct, practical advice.

My child didn't want to do the mission as written, so we tried it through pretend kindergarten play. We acted out Miyeon's day at kindergarten, with me playing Jimin or a new friend, and rehearsed what to say in those situations. Miyeon talked about being upset with Jimin, and Jimin—that is, me—apologized to Miyeon. We acted out making up, too. What surprised me was that even though my child knew it was pretend and I was really Mom, they still hesitated to say what they needed to say out loud. Eventually, though, they were able to say it. I don't know whether they'll actually get along again at kindergarten, but I want to keep using role-play to help my child practice saying what they need to say.

I was honestly surprised that you noticed things I hadn't even considered. It upset me to realize that my emotional state may have kept me from expressing what was in my head clearly, but I'm glad we had this opportunity. Thank you for pointing out things I hadn't noticed, especially the part at 1 minute 30 seconds. I'll work on changing the old patterns in the direction you suggested. We have plenty of more relaxed conversations too, but also many where it feels as though we're poking each other with something sharp. I'll try to capture those situations and send another recording. It's been hard to bring this up with anyone around me. Thank you, truly.

I could definitely see my child thinking more and showing they could work things out! When I waited, they even corrected answers they'd initially got wrong. If they still weren't sure, I'd tell them, and they would repeat it. It seems to help them learn too.

Hello! This report really stopped me in my tracks. I'd never considered that there wasn't enough space in our conversations. I felt some pressure to provide lots of language input. Since I'm not very talkative, I thought I had to make an effort to speak more, and I think I ended up focusing too much on input. I'll pay more attention to Ido's words and actions too. Thank you again!

I hadn't set clear boundaries for myself before, so I think I responded differently to Eunseo's behavior each time. Now that I have a clearer standard, I feel I can respond more consistently. Eunseo still doesn't immediately accept an alternative to something they want, but I'll keep practicing.

📝 Give specific praise instead of vague, general praise! Making a note of that! I know praise matters, but putting it into detailed words is hard 🥹 Here's how we tried the mission after I read the feedback that morning. On the way to the pediatrician, I respected my child's wish to take the bus. Before boarding, we went over bus manners again: no loud voices, speak softly, stay in your seat. Sure enough, there came an excited moment when my child wanted to be loud. I tried your suggestion! 👩🏻: ‘Rere, you're excited! Even when we're excited, what did we say we'd do on the bus?’ 👧🏻: ‘Speak softly and quietly!’ 👩🏻: ‘That's right. Other people are here too, so let's keep our voices low.’ As we were about to get off: 👩🏻: ‘Rere, thank you for keeping our promise! You did great. Thanks to you, the other people on the bus could have a comfortable ride!’ At the pediatrician's: Rere got excited in the waiting area and started running around and talking loudly. 👩🏻: ‘Rere, are you excited?’ 👧🏻: ‘Yes, Mom! There are lots of buses outside! It's Tayo! Tayo!’ 👩🏻: ‘Oh, you're right, lots of buses! But there are many people at the doctor's, so we said we'd speak softly, remember?’ 👧🏻: ‘Yes!’ 👩🏻: ‘Thank you for keeping our promise.’ After the appointment, the doctor gave two vitamin treats. 👩🏻: ‘Wow! You kept our promise, and the doctor gave you two vitamin treats!’ 👧🏻: ‘Yes! Usually it's one!’ 👩🏻: ‘Thanks to you, the other children and grown-ups could have their appointments comfortably.’ That's how I tried using ‘thanks to you’! Rere shared the vitamin treats with some older children, so I said, ‘Thanks to you, they get to enjoy them too. What's it like when we share?’ 👧🏻: ‘It tastes better!’ We left feeling happy.

Reading the report made me feel good. I wanted to make the most of those ten or so minutes talking before bed, but when the conversation went on, part of me worried about getting my child to sleep. When I set a limit using your suggestion and explained that we could carry on tomorrow, my child accepted it quickly and fell asleep. Bedtime is when I talk most with my eldest, so I'd actually started recording partway through our conversation. Next time I'll record us playing. I'm looking forward to the feedback and a little nervous too, but I need to face it! Thank you for the detailed report and for pointing out my child's strengths.

There are no more tears or anger when we wash my child's hair! We don't use the bath support anymore—now my child stands and tilts their head back. They even tell me they did a good job without crying. I give lots of praise and sometimes a favorite jelly sweet or candy to help build that confidence.

My child may feel scared about having a bowel movement and always asks me to read a book. It seems to help them feel settled, and they can push while I read. As you suggested, I said we'd read a few pages or one book, then it would be time to wipe and wash. They resisted at first, but now they go along without complaining. I think the rule is starting to bring some reassurance rather than resistance or irritation. It's lovely to see small, positive changes.

After receiving the mission, I said, ‘It's time to leave for daycare,’ and my child followed along well. I kept an eye on the time so I wouldn't become more rushed. Saying, ‘Let's do this just once’ or ‘Let's do that after daycare’ helped me feel more at ease. My child still gets angry sometimes, but because I feel calmer, I get less irritated too.

I thought speaking firmly would make my child protest even more, but they unexpectedly calmed down and followed along. It made me feel this was a direction we could keep working toward. I still find myself giving in at times to soothe the crying, but I'll keep working on changing that.

At first I wondered, ‘Will my child really listen?’ When we were moving from one activity to another, I said, ‘Let's tidy this up, then do something else’ and ‘We can't play with the next thing until this is put away.’ They listened and, surprisingly, didn't get angry. I'd developed a habit of asking everything as a question because I worried in advance about my child getting upset. After the report, consciously changing that made things much better and more relaxed. I still slip into questions sometimes, but for things my child really needs to do, I'm working on giving a clear direction instead.

During today's bath, Somi was using a scoop to put bubbles into a cup. Following the mission, I described it in a little more detail: ‘Somi, you put bubbles in the yellow cup with the green scoop.’ When I suggested wiping their face, I got another ‘No.’ I asked, ‘What about using a washcloth?’ but they were too absorbed in play to answer. When I put a little foam on, they stayed still. Haha. I also held the nebulizer during play. Sometimes Somi pulled their face away, saying ‘No,’ perhaps because they couldn't see clearly. I said, ‘It's frustrating because this is blocking your view. I'll try not to get in the way.’ When they said ‘No’ again, I explained, ‘The doctor said we need to use the nebulizer to help your cough get better. There's only a little left—shall we try a bit longer? You can keep playing with the bubbles.’ They cooperated willingly. Somi also often says, ‘Hold me,’ even while being held, when something feels uncomfortable or unsettling. They said it during the bath too. I usually respond, ‘I'm holding you right now,’ or ‘It's bath time now, and I'll give you a big hug afterward.’ Is that an okay way to respond? The report and the mission did make bath time a little easier. Thank you ^^

As a parent, I was always wondering whether my tone and the way I spoke to my child were right. Having someone look at my child's temperament and my approach has been a big help :) One suggestion was to offer two options and let my child choose. I had always worried that this might lead to a situation where we couldn't solve anything without offering a choice. Maybe it's because my child is still young, or maybe it's their temperament, but when I offer two options, they happily choose the one they want! This morning, before getting dressed for daycare, my child wanted a snack. I said, ‘We can have a snack after we get dressed and put our shoes on. Shall we do that?’ and got a ‘Yes!’ I realized I had been giving in when my child insisted because we were running late. This morning, I left more time and explained, and getting dressed and ready for daycare wasn't difficult at all! Yeeun seems to have a calm temperament to me, too. When my child protested, I would wait for them to settle down and then give a rather long explanation. Now I think Yeeun looked away because those long explanations were hard to take in. The mission to keep explanations brief and to the point helped me understand my child's feelings a little better.

I tried hard to come up with lines that fit into my child's world—or universe? Most of the time, the conversation ended with ‘Nooo, what is that?’ and laughter. Still, approaching the conversation as a participant rather than an observer helped us exchange more words than usual.